Updated: Nov 20, 2019
The tasks we handled this week? Hurricane Harvey, evacuation, moving to a new home, and round 5 of sepsis for my 2nd daughter, Kaile. I am writing this on the heels of coming home from the hospital today with Kaile. Coming home didn't mark the end of an illness for her, but it did mean that once again she was coming home alive.
It is so surreal. I am so worn down, tired, and desensitized to this life situation we've been in that it's as if we have been gone on some long trip - but soon after we get home, it's like we haven't been gone at all. There is no time for tears; besides, there is no one here to dry them anyways. There is no time for sadness because we have been given yet another day; and there is no time for regret, because those old shoes have been worn too long as it is.
The undoing of the marriage to my husband of 24 years left me with no real skills, no college education, and no real way to make money to support my four girls. I had home-schooled my girls and helped my husband with his company. I had value as a mother and a wife, but I had never really worked full time outside of the home. With Kaile's illness, I have not been able to consider a full time, or even a part time job, because that requires a stable schedule. Spousal support from my ex-husband ceased, so family members have had to step in to help us through each month. With the money from selling my home dwindling, I decided I could do online courses at night while I helped Kaile during the day. I could still take her to the doctor, sit in an ER, spend the night in a hospital, and make phone calls to the insurance while focusing on school at night. To get through all the work, I often listened to my textbooks via an audio book app while on the road. I managed to make it! I am glad that I did, but I am still left with the reality that I spend every fourth week of every month in the hospital with Kaile - not to mention the doctors visits in between. I am also still the mother of two younger daughters as well.
So many families are broken and so many know now, first hand, the damaging effects of sexual sin. Sexual sin affects not just your body and your mind, but your soul as well. It is sinning against your own spirit. It isn't that God can't save you from it, but it is the kind of sin that runs deep in a person and changes who they are and what they are willing to become. If you look in the Old Testament, you will find that sexual sin in-particular leads to Sheol (Death, Hades, the underworld and the personification of evil). It is talked about in both the New and Old Testaments. It has ripped through our families - showing up as homosexuality, adultery, molestation, gender identity crises, etc. No one sets off to cheat on their spouse or molest a child, but this is where sexual sin and pornography leads. It isn't an innocent, victim-less sin. It has far reaching effects on the individual, the family, and society as a whole.
This week, I have seen amazing, heroic efforts both big and small in the Houston area. I've seen neighbors clearing the piles of debris from each home and replacing it with an American flag; doctors and nurses in my apartment building seeking out the sick in order to be of service, and people volunteering their time at the hospital in order to relieve co-workers. I have also seen my daughter turn to her faith as she sobbed in the emergency room at 2 a.m., spiking fever, in pain, tired and afraid. She has suffered so hard for so long and I am powerless as a mother to do much of anything about it.
These kind of disasters are obvious to us, they shake us up and they make us want to do something - anything to help. How is it that we are so keenly aware of the devastating effects of illness and natural disasters, but we fail to miss the condition of our own souls? While the physical needs matter, the body is temporary. We should be much more concerned with the soul, the part of us that is eternal, than we are as a society. I can't stand by and watch anymore. This devastating experience in my life has been too hard, too long, and too painful for the wisdom I've gained through it to be only for my benefit. This is why I started Train Up a Child Ministries. I want to put tools in the hands of parents to help them discuss difficult topics with their children, because in today's world, these are topics that they will eventually come face to face with.
These books teach Godly principles and give Scriptures to help you discuss these issues with your kiddos. They also teach respect for those who chose to believe differently than you do with regards to homosexuality and gender identity. If you want to order or learn more, visit the website at www.trainupachildministries.com.
I wish we could live apart from these realities, but we can't. Girls are coming onto girls in junior high, kids are unsure of their gender, and grown men are behaving as little girls. We do not have time to waste and we can't be passive anymore.